I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
