I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
