Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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