Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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