fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
