I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
