So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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