New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
