I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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