just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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