yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pants are for mortals
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
