Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
