In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?