At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
