My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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