I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
