Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
