i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
