May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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