Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
