Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
