dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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