Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
