I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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