So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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