My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Two words: blizzard sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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