I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
