Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
