Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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