dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
