Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
