you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I deserve this hangover.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
