You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
