This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
