He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
