we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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