sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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