When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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