everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
