sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
