I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
