i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
