Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
