watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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