I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
