Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
