I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
