I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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