Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
