I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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