ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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