Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
