Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
