C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
