Jerry, you need to find god
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
