the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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