Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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