ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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