Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is my gift to your gina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
