You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
