I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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