Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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