I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
