i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
