Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize