Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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