And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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