Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
