Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
