He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
