I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
