Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
