Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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