Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
