Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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