How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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