i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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