i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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