I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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