Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had to cum in my sink.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
