i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
